Two hikers spot a bear in the distance, and one of them…
…sits down and swaps his boots for running shoes. "You can't outrun a bear," says the other. "I don't have to outrun the bear," says the first. "I just have to outrun you."
A man opens his front door, finds a snail on the doormat and…
…flicks it across the yard. Two years later, there's a knock at the door. He opens it, and there's the snail. "What was that all about?"
A man finds a penguin wandering down Main Street, so he…
…asks a police officer what to do. "Take him to the zoo," says the officer. The next day, the officer spots the same man, still walking the penguin. "I told you to take him to the zoo!" "I did," says the man. "He loved it. Today we're going to the movies."
What do you call a bull taking a nap?
A bulldozer.